Technology war in the house

Yesterday there was a technology war in our house
It was between
Roomba and our tablet PC.

Roomba wom!

We got home from work and our little PC was on the floor dead. It just had enough power for us to attch our external hard drive and download some documents. We we're pissed because we are off to Italy next week and we had all our technology requirements sorted out.

Today the disater was averted.

We went to Harvey Norman and we got our selves a very cute little hp tablet PC. It's pretty and much faster than our old one. And then we took a trip to the Apple store in the it and got our selves an iPad. We were so excited. So it's L & J: 2 Roomba: 1


We win!!!!


So I've taken the ipad to bed and I wanted to test out how easy it us to write my blog on it. And just as I thought it's amazing. I don't think WJ will ever get a chance to use this. He can have the HP I'll have this one.

Now awe are totally sorted for Europe. Yay I'm excited!!

One major thing s that I'm meeting my IVY girls on saturday. Infertility is truly a special club. No one really understands what you think and feel unless they have been through it themselves. No one can truly understand the evil properties of crinnone and are able to talk in acronyms in daily conversations and then get a confused look on their face when the person your talking to has no idea what TTC, AF, DH, FSH and PCoS are.


Much love and AF cramps

Xxx
Lu

And it continues....

Each time I think of my old fertility clinic the more I think 
WOW what a waste of TIME !!!
I feel so cheated by them.


Today I received a letter from my new clinic and it explained that
yes I have PCO and I am anovulatory which mean I don't ovulate on my own.


Why did it take one Dr who spoke to me for 45 minutes and review all my history to tell me this.


Every time we met with Dr T he would always say
"i dont know why your not falling pregnant"


WELL FUCK!!! DID YOU ACTUALLY LOOK AT MY TESTS AND RESULTS!!


Dammm


Im so glad that he is out of my life!!

And the acronyms continue.......

Did you know:

There are actually fertility specialist out there that want to help you...

Strange I know but I think I found him.

WJ and I had our appointment at our new clinic on Thursday and I didn't walk out of there feeling like a total looser.

Our new baby Dr came out and said you do have PCO and we are going to treat that.
This is our plan so far.
1. Im doing a glucose tolerance test today to check for diabetes (have never been checked before)
2. ill be talking Metformin for 3 months and during this time get really healthy and lose wieght
3. In March we will be doing IVM with ICSI

Yes IVM not IVF its not a spelling error.. I had never heard of this before, apparently its really good for women with PCOS because it reduces the risk of OHSS. You are on less FSH drugs and then you take HRT drugs to help with the TWW.

What they do is take out the immature follicles and mature them in the lab then use ICSI to inseminate them instead of the eggs and sperm having a party in a petri dish together, then they transfer a day 5 blast about 6 days later.

Dr H said that for some women they actually fall pregnant while on Metformin. We are hoping that i am going to be one of those women. Its great knowing that for the next 3 months we have a plan. While we are in Italy Ive told my brother (who is a workout fanatic) that he needs to work me out while we are there. He was happy to do that.

Well I must be off Ive got my 2 hour GTT this morning. I need to gather some reading material before I go becuase the only magazines they have in the waiting rooms are from 1997 when Tom and Nicole were still together and when Kristy Ally had lost weight for the 2nd time.

Do you think they will mind if i paint my nails while i'm waiting?


Much Love
Luisa

New beginnings?

Tomorrow we have our appointment with a new fertility specialist. I haven't thought much about it but this afternoon its all I'm thinking of. I'm so nervous. What if things don't go the way we want them to, what if he is a total jerk,
what if, 
what if,
what if....

I'M GIVING MYSELF INDIGESTION.... oiii

Will this be the new beginning that we are hoping for?
I'm just hoping this new doctor will support us on our journey.

We have decided that if we don't get a good vibe straight away then we will turn back and

RUNnnnnnnnnnnn




I don't think I can handle anymore disappointment.

I need to stop thinking...

Don't you hate it when you have time to think and your mind goes around in circles thinking of a million and one thing.

At the moment we are back to trying for a baby the traditional way.

But I can't help but think - What if it never happens for us?

We are coming up to 3 years of tying and about 5 years from me being off the pill and nothing. Not a single positive pregnancy test (the only time i tested positive was the day after a Pregnyl shot and idiot me got excited)
NOTHING.. WHY????
Not even a late period to get excited about.

How long can you keep going on the same disappointing roller coaster ride?


I'm not ready to give up, thats not what I'm saying but today i just feel so low and poor WJ is coping the grumpiness.


I'm excited that in a few weeks time a few of us who are going through IVF are catching up for a coffee. It will be so great to talk to people who are going through the same thing as yourself.

I think we should call our selves the IVy group.


Well i must get on with the day - but to be honest i just want to crawl back into bed and not get out.

xx xx

I'm feeling like myself again

You know a few months ago I was so stubborn  and thought that I didn't need a break from fertility treatments, but now that it has been forced upon us I'm really enjoying the break from drugs, needles, blood tests and ultrasounds. And in the midst of all of this i had forgotten that sex was actually for fun too not just for procreation. 

All year my parents have been after us to take a trip with them to Italy. But I was never able to give them an answer to where we would be with all our treatments. Well now that everything is on hold we are going to ITALY!!

Its been such a tough year for our family. My brother has separated from his wife (about 3 months ago) and we cant conceive so i think as a consolation prize my parents are taking us all on a business class trip to Italy for a month. bahahaha WOW i think my parents feel sorry for us - bahaha. the trip will do US ALL GOOD. We need a change of pace.

Now that I'm myself again I can laugh again. It feels so good to laugh, I'm not feeling bitter any longer. I can actually talk about the disappointing year and not cry. 

Sending all my love and positive vibes to all of my other Infertiles - Lets not allow this journey to crush us - only make us stronger.

xxxxx

All quiet on the Western front

RULE NUMBER 1:

DON'T TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY!!

RULE NUMBER 2:

NOT EVERYTHING IS APPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT ON FORUM

RULE NUMBER 3:

COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT RULE 2


BAHAHAHAHAHA

Ohhh, Yes I am learning to laugh again!

Alcohol + Facebook = Disaster

Really not a good combination at all!!!


It's funny... ever since my cancelled cycle everything just quite simply - Pisses me off!


I am sick to death of reading crap on status updates!

I am going to make a list of shit that I've seen at status updates. If there is anyone reading add your own too.
How long can this list be..

1.

 is getting just a little bit excited about meeting my new bubba! 51 days to go!

2.

‎50 days! It is blowing me away to think that there is going to be another little member joining my family soon. A new little personality to get to know and love - Everything is going to change!  Yeap i get it - you only told us about that yesterday

3.

what makes me nervous and want to vomit??? hhmmmmm...oh that would be when the pathologist taking your blood says "oh no" once the needle is in, you then hear a release of air and she proceeds to vigourously push down on your arm to get more blood into the vile. -complain when you have to stick three needles in your stomach everyday and try to find a spot that is not bruised or doesn't hurt. (i actually wrote this response) my friend respond to me saying point taken Lu i forget how blessed i am - really how about fuck u instead!

4.

oiiii the nausea - how about the headaches, the sore ovaries, the bloating the injections

5.

Dear God....please bless my baby with brown skin, long eyelashes and big lips like its brother and sister. Although it might be nice to have one that actually looked like it belonged to me and not get asked..."Oh what nationality is its father?". hehehehehe Dear God I just want a baby - it can be pasty white, no eyelashes and thin lips. 

6.

I swear my baby just tried to escape my uterus! Damn....that hurt child!!! really thats a visual that i didn't want right now

7.

my bump feels like a lump of lead right now! WOW really!

8.

DAMN YOU TEETHING...5am is not a suitable time to wake up Oh im sorry that your child is interrupting your very important sleep schedule. didn't you know that children went through teething?

9.

baby was up at 3am this morning and wouldn't go back to sleep! WTF!!! get the fuck over yourself princess!

I had better stop now because im starting to get really cynical 

xxxx

Lu 

2010 - Not the year of the baby anymore

It's a sad state of affairs when you wake up in the morning and realise that you wont be achieving your dream of conceiving (not even giving birth to) a little one.

This was to be our year!

With all the blood test, ultrasounds, injections, poking and prodding we are no closer to achieving our dream.
This sux donkey balls!!

do I dare say it..........


WHY US????????


I'm sick of hearing people tell me they got knocked up on the first go and don't remember it.. 


Well i'm sure as hell going to remember the day I get knocked up because you cant ever forget the sterile room, your legs in the air and someone who isn't your husband poke and prod around your ho ha in order to knock you up.. Plus you have the credit card bills to prove that you had a "GOOD TIME" 


But enough of the WHY ME!!!
I'm not usually the WHY ME person... 


This week we have had my parents stay with us because they are doing some remodeling to their home. Yesterday we moved them back into their place . My Aunty was going to cook my parents dinner and asked if WJ and I want to go up too..

I said..... In the biggest voice possible...

Ohh NO thanks, Ive finally got some privacy, I'm going home, getting undressed and walking around the house butt naked!!!!
A roar of laughter erupted - BUT I'M SERIOUS!!

hahahahahah

The cat is happy that mum and dads dog is no longer in sight.

And I'm happy because i can watch something on TV other than Law and Order (over and over and over again!)

Well this week we are on detox - after a week of mums cooking we are only eating grilled chicken and carrots.. OII i'm so full!!!


Love and Dust


Lu xxxxx

I'm back in control and thats the way I like IT!!!

December 2nd is the day!

I rang up a new clinic today who I've heard amazing things about!.
They usually have a 3-4 month wait list and I managed to get in on December 2nd. I'm so excited!!!

Dr Asshole rang today and we spoke.... well he did a lot of talking about the importance of weight loss.... blah blah blah.. I explained to him that i would have respected his decision a whole lot more if he would not have let me start in the first place. But he made me go through all of this which is quite unfair. Funnily enough he had no answers for me and was quick to get off the phone.

I feel so much like my normal self again!!

I am taking control and I'm not going to let ignorant men like Dr T get me down or decide when and on whose terms we can have a family.

I now have a month to get my weight down further and to get to this appointment. so far i have not seen anything about weight restrictions with this new clinic. I just hope they are the ones for me.

Oh and BTW

Dr T finally came out and said today that I have PCOS.
this was the first time he had ever mentioned it. I really wish he would have said something sooner rather than bypass the whole diagnosis thing. that way i would have changed my perception on this much sooner.

Anyway. I'm not going to harp on the bad we are on a new path.. A positive path to a family !!!

XXXX
Love and Baby Dust.

The story goes like this.....

Our Second IVF cycle is now cancelled and this morning i needed to do my trigger injection just so the follies that i had don't turn into cyst. It has been a very emotional few days and I am finally clear headed to write about it. 


OK......


Well I know I have a weight problem and that is no secret. 3 weeks ago when we had our review appointment with Dr T he said continue to lose weight and keep training with your personal trainer and lets start a new cycle. 
WJ and I walked out of our appointment really excited and ready to start. 


Friday 29th October i went in for my routine blood and ultrasound. The nurse took me in to get my blood work done told me that Dr T wanted me to be weighed. No problem. well apparently it was a problem for her and the clinic. 


She weighed me and said - Oh why do I have to be the one that does this? and she left the room. I'm left sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. Nurse went to get the head nurse and I was left to the slaughter. She came in very intimidating and demeaning saying that Dr T was going to cancel my cycle and he wanted me to be a particular weight. Well this was the first i had heard this and told her that i didn't understand what she was talking about. I was very distressed and she did NOTHING to calm me down. 


She ushered me in tears to the waiting room with other women until it was my turn for an ultrasound. Thankfully the ultrasound lady has a heart and soul and was trying to calm me down (at this point i was hyperventilating)
she did my scan and my follies were looking great. 


fast forward 7 hours later.


After a really hard time at work after the debacle in the morning the clinic called to tell me that they would be cancelling my cycle because he thought that I hadn't lost enough weight and that DR T (ASSHOLE) would call me on Monday to talk to me further. She told me that i would be getting a full refund (in the tone of like she was doing me a favour)


I am so mad at Dr T for making me put this stuff in my body. He saw me at the consult day if he was so concerned why didn't he weigh me on that day and say that he wasn't going to treat me until i did.
I could have respected that, but to make me wait until days away from EPU to make me stop. It is so unfair and I don't want to put all these drugs in my body on a good day. But to put them in my body and not get anywhere with it. I am livid. I'm sad and mad.


WJ and I are no longer going to deal with the clinic. I am going to call another reputable clinic here in Perth and see them. I cant look at Dr T any more and I don't want to go anywhere near the hospital ever again. 


I actually now want to find out where he lives and key his car! that would make me feel a WHOLE lot better.


Well lets see what happens tomorrow!!


xxx

I want to stick my foot up Dr T's Ass

Today was the most horrible day.


Our IVF cycle was cancelled. 


I am totally devastated  and I want to poke Dr T in the eye!


This was the last straw im changing clinics. I cant stand to see him or the nurses any more. 


I'll write more later.


I'm just too emotional right now

Giving injecting advice over a salad!

It's amazing the lunchtime conversations one can have at work.

A girlfriend at work is undergoing her first IVF cycle. We are both at the same clinic and it's really nice to have someone to talk to who is going through the same things as you. She hadn't done any type of injectables before and was quite nervous.

I had flash backs from the first time I had to do my Gonal injection. I had the needle loaded and I just couldn't insert it in. I was so scared that it was going to hurt or that I was going to do something wrong.

Now.......


I can do it with my eyes closed. It's amazing what you can do when you need to.

I am now considering myself a Seasoned Injector.

Thank God for Acupuncturists.

Meltdown number 3
Victim - Husband
Reason - Because he didn't answer my question quick enough and I thought he wasn't paying me any attention
But he was really finding out the answer to my question......But still I'm right




WOW I really need to pull myself together. I am beginning to be a basket case!

This IVF cycle is so different to my first one. I am so much more emotional. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I was watching Celebrity Rehab the other night and I couldn't stop crying.
This over emotional behaviour is driving me crazy. I am always to strong and sure of myself and now I can't even watch TV and be half way normal.

But thank God today I had my Acupuncture appointment with the fab M. I ranted and raved about my week - My over emotional behaviour, the possibility of me having PCOS and the headaches.

M put a number of pins in me and I love it when you can almost feel the electricity in your body from the needles. I had one between my eyes and one on the top of my head (i know that spot is to calm you down{i think i needed 10 at least in my head}) And i feel better already.

M gave me some extra information about PCOS. Even if I do or don't have it there is nothing wrong with changing the way I eat. In the long run it will be a good choice to make - But on the list she gave me it didn't say Chocolate cake. I'm wondering where does chocolate cake fit into this eating plan??? 
any advice would be great...... ;-)


All the shots are going well, but i think I've lost my touch a little bit. I keep on making myself bleed and i'm pretty bruised up. But it's all apart of the ritualistic morning routine.

WJ is still in the USA at the moment but he gets home on Monday. I am so excited to be seeing him. The two weeks have gone so quickly. I've been able to cope because I've been sleeping on his side of the bed.

I want to do a big shout out to my Bubhub girls and Twoweekwait girls.
Thanks for following!

Love and Dust xxxx

No More Headaches!!

I'm feeling so good today! No more headaches!!!!!

I've got acupuncture tomorrow afternoon so i'm looking forward to that.

(note to self - shave legs)



I always feel so serene after a session.

WJ gets back on Monday. I can't wait to see him.

I'm off for now - I have a bundle of washing that is calling me

xxx

And the fun begins..

Today was my first day of my FSH. Im on a down reg cycle.
My protocol is as follows

10iu Lucrin
225 Gonal F
75iu Pregnyl

I've been doing some research about PCOS and it looks like a Low GI diet is the way to go.
It can't be all bad. So im looking up foods to eat and foods to avoid. It will be a good thing.

xxx

BTW

No Meltdowns today...


But the Lucrin headache still remains.

Words get thrown around a lot around here...

Well today was my Day 2 blood test and ultrasound - the ultrasound always weirds me out. I want to apologise for having my period. But like always it's never an issue.


After I had my ultrasound  I was calmly waiting in the waiting room reading an out of date magazine (you know the one where Brad and Angie have broken up for the 10th time)


My favourite nurse F came to give me my results.


I had 20 follicles on my right ovary and 20 follicles on my left.  I thought WOW thats great... BOY OH BOY was I WRONG..


Transcript:
F - Oh thats common with your PCOS.
Infertile - Pardon me?
F - Oh yes that many follicles is a sign of PCOS. You don't have any cysts but I can definitely see that you do have PCOS.
Infertile - Dr T has NEVER mentioned anything about me having PCOS.
F - Oh well yes i'm pretty sure that you do have PCOS.


WJ and I have always been in that unexplained category. WJ's boys were swimming healthy and there was a lot of them and Dr T could never work out what was wrong with me.


I have been able to get my head around the unexplained category.


Now I have to get used to this new acronym.


I'm off to Google every possible sign and symptom of PCOS and i'm sure i'll convince myself that I have everyone of those.


Love and Baby Dust


Lu 

19/10/10 MELTDOWN CITY !!!!

Well...

I have started the Lucrin and I finally Got AF today..

WHAT A DAY!!!!

On my first IVF cycle I had NO hormonal days and I never lost the plot.

Well today changed all that.

It started with a headache. Lucrin always gave me a headache. But today this ache was not going away only getting worse.

I spoke to My DH this morning on the phone - Lucky guy is in the USA visit with his family. I could already feel on the phone myself getting overly emotional. this was the start of an overly emotional day.

I picked my self up and got ready for work. Thumping head and all.

I went in really feeling like C**P.

each time someone said something I would be close to tears (so not like me at ALL)

It finally got to lunch time and I couldn't take it any more. I went home - Well I went straight to my Mums and had a meltdown!!!

WOW I hate feeling like this.

I went home and called WJ on the phone  (sorry for waking you up) and had another meltdown on the phone to him.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GIRL!!!!


TALK ABOUT A MESS..




So here i am now.
drinking my ginger and honey tea (my new acupuncturist told me I had to keep my Womb warm - yeah what ever that means)


And im finally calm.


Tomorrow is another day and I will pull myself together.


Cycle day 1 - how many more days of this?????

So Here We Are...

We have decided that we would do another IVF cycle.

October 2010 Will be OUR MONTH!!!

2010 - The Year Of The Baby...

Apparently this year is the Year of the Tiger......

Hmmmmm
I'm renaming it to The Year of The Baby...

According to Dr T this was going to be our year.

A list of our year so far......

Febuary 2010 - Ovulation induction with gonal f.
                          No Baby

March 2010 - Ovulation induction with gonal f
                         No Baby

April 2010 - Ovulation induction with gonal f
                       No Baby

( are you starting to see a pattern here)

Well after 3 Ovulation Induction cycles and no baby - Dr T suggested we try IUI.
So IUI will be the go.. the answer to all our prayers.

May 2010 - IUI with gonal f
                    NO BABY... Which was a bummer because our insemination day was on Mother's Day. How perfect would that have been to think we conceived on Mothers Day? But yet again there was not to be any baby.

Dr T went ahead to suggest we try IVF. He didn't see the value in doing another IUI.

July 2010 - We start our first IVF cycle.
Our first cycle was a breeze !!!
I had no side effect from the drugs and it was all too easy...

On our EPU day. The Dr was only able to retrieve 5 eggs. - I WAS DEVASTATED !!! I cried all through recovery, all through the ward and all the way home that afternoon.
The next day the scientist from the clinic called and notified us that 2 of our little eggies hadn't made it. so we were left with 3, 2 day embryos.
That's not too bad.
All 3 made it to day 4.
Day 5 Transfer day....
We had decided to let our little embryos got to day 5 in hopes of them becoming little blastocysts.
We were so lucky that ll 3 made it to blast stage. We were thrilled.

The transfer went off without a problem.... Now we just wait...

WAITING WAITING WAITING

Final blood test day....... Well i didnt have to wait for the results AF arrived that morning at work.. It was horrible. I took the next few days off and WJ and I went away for a little break. (thank God for that man - he is my rock)

September 2010 - We decided to do a Frozen Transfer.
We were able to freeze 2 embryos from our last fresh cycle. So we decided to use one of them.
On the day of our transfer the scientist informed us that they had to defrost both embryos because the first one didn't defrost properly. Here come the tears again... there goes our little insurance policy.
Well this FET was going to be it.. We were going to get pregnant after this.

Unfortunately It wasn't meant to be.....

Scotch and Coke became my best friend..

An Answer to our prayers.

My Name is Lu and I am an infertile.

No its not some new religion that I've signed up for (although some days it does feel quite ritualistic) it's agroup that i have long been a member of. And although some days it does feel like i am the only member of this group, if you just do a simple Google search on the word infertility you will come up with 46,700,000 search results and you quickly realise that YOU are NOT the only one.

A little bit about me.

I'm married to the most wonderful man W.J. We have been married for 9 years. He would move mountains for me and cross oceans (he did do that one) 

In 2006 we decided that we would 'think' about having a family. So I immediately stopped taking the Pill and we "tried' to have a baby that first month. Well after being on the Pill for so many years my body had decided that it would take a good year to get it self into some regularity. 

So now we are in 2007. At this point we are building a new house and the baby plans were put on the shelf (much to my disappointment).

Fast forward to 2008 and a week before my 29th Birthday. We had finally decided that we would seriously start trying for a family. We were both convinced that all it would take is ONE time. 

Why would we think anything differently.

EVERYONE around us shagged once and fell pregnant - WHY would we be any different?

Well we started in May of 2008 - and immediately my body decided not to cooperate and once again my cycles went out of whack.

I made an appointment to see my OBGYN to see if we can work out what was going on. He informed us that the best thing we could do was do three cycles of ovulation tracking to check out what was really going on with my body. Little did I know that this was the start of many blood tests and doctors visits. 

All of those results turned out fine. My Doctors advice was keep trying for 6 months and then if nothing come back and see me.

January 2009 - Still No baby.... We make another appointment to see our OBGYN. 

He suggests Clomid. 

SO Clomid it is..... 3 cycles of it..... During this time I decided to be proactive and see an acupuncturist once a week to help it along.

Clomid - what a horrible drug...... Clomid and multiple blood tests and acupuncture  I was really starting to feel like a pin cushion.

Unfortunately Clomid wasnt the answer for us. Our OBGYN referred us to one of Perths top fertility clinics with one of the top doctors in Perth. Finally something to help us. We were thrilled, but we weren't thrilled with the 3 month wait list to get into see him.

July 2009  - Our Fertility Doctor Appointment is here....

I've never been so anxious and excited at the same time. 

So we went through our history and we spoke to the nurse who informed me to lose weight (at this point after such an emotional meeting, all i wanted to do was get the pen that she was writing with and stab her in the eye with it) Ive never cried so much in my life. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Dr T decided that we needed to do more ovulation tracking so he could see what was going on. 

4 months of ovulation tracking was getting pretty old.

November 200 9 - Review appointment

Well we still weren't up the duff and we had our review with Dr T. I was not too excited about this one especially since how i felt about our first visit. 

He took one look at us and couldn't work out WHY we weren't pregnant yet. I was at the point of begging him he was going to make us wait even longer. I didn't want to wait any more, i wanted action, i wanted to be proactive in our journey to a family.

Dr T decided that In January we would start Ovulation Induction. This was going to be the answer to our prayers. 

2010 was going to be our year..........