I need to stop thinking...

Don't you hate it when you have time to think and your mind goes around in circles thinking of a million and one thing.

At the moment we are back to trying for a baby the traditional way.

But I can't help but think - What if it never happens for us?

We are coming up to 3 years of tying and about 5 years from me being off the pill and nothing. Not a single positive pregnancy test (the only time i tested positive was the day after a Pregnyl shot and idiot me got excited)
NOTHING.. WHY????
Not even a late period to get excited about.

How long can you keep going on the same disappointing roller coaster ride?


I'm not ready to give up, thats not what I'm saying but today i just feel so low and poor WJ is coping the grumpiness.


I'm excited that in a few weeks time a few of us who are going through IVF are catching up for a coffee. It will be so great to talk to people who are going through the same thing as yourself.

I think we should call our selves the IVy group.


Well i must get on with the day - but to be honest i just want to crawl back into bed and not get out.

xx xx

I'm feeling like myself again

You know a few months ago I was so stubborn  and thought that I didn't need a break from fertility treatments, but now that it has been forced upon us I'm really enjoying the break from drugs, needles, blood tests and ultrasounds. And in the midst of all of this i had forgotten that sex was actually for fun too not just for procreation. 

All year my parents have been after us to take a trip with them to Italy. But I was never able to give them an answer to where we would be with all our treatments. Well now that everything is on hold we are going to ITALY!!

Its been such a tough year for our family. My brother has separated from his wife (about 3 months ago) and we cant conceive so i think as a consolation prize my parents are taking us all on a business class trip to Italy for a month. bahahaha WOW i think my parents feel sorry for us - bahaha. the trip will do US ALL GOOD. We need a change of pace.

Now that I'm myself again I can laugh again. It feels so good to laugh, I'm not feeling bitter any longer. I can actually talk about the disappointing year and not cry. 

Sending all my love and positive vibes to all of my other Infertiles - Lets not allow this journey to crush us - only make us stronger.

xxxxx

All quiet on the Western front

RULE NUMBER 1:

DON'T TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY!!

RULE NUMBER 2:

NOT EVERYTHING IS APPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT ON FORUM

RULE NUMBER 3:

COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT RULE 2


BAHAHAHAHAHA

Ohhh, Yes I am learning to laugh again!

Alcohol + Facebook = Disaster

Really not a good combination at all!!!


It's funny... ever since my cancelled cycle everything just quite simply - Pisses me off!


I am sick to death of reading crap on status updates!

I am going to make a list of shit that I've seen at status updates. If there is anyone reading add your own too.
How long can this list be..

1.

 is getting just a little bit excited about meeting my new bubba! 51 days to go!

2.

‎50 days! It is blowing me away to think that there is going to be another little member joining my family soon. A new little personality to get to know and love - Everything is going to change!  Yeap i get it - you only told us about that yesterday

3.

what makes me nervous and want to vomit??? hhmmmmm...oh that would be when the pathologist taking your blood says "oh no" once the needle is in, you then hear a release of air and she proceeds to vigourously push down on your arm to get more blood into the vile. -complain when you have to stick three needles in your stomach everyday and try to find a spot that is not bruised or doesn't hurt. (i actually wrote this response) my friend respond to me saying point taken Lu i forget how blessed i am - really how about fuck u instead!

4.

oiiii the nausea - how about the headaches, the sore ovaries, the bloating the injections

5.

Dear God....please bless my baby with brown skin, long eyelashes and big lips like its brother and sister. Although it might be nice to have one that actually looked like it belonged to me and not get asked..."Oh what nationality is its father?". hehehehehe Dear God I just want a baby - it can be pasty white, no eyelashes and thin lips. 

6.

I swear my baby just tried to escape my uterus! Damn....that hurt child!!! really thats a visual that i didn't want right now

7.

my bump feels like a lump of lead right now! WOW really!

8.

DAMN YOU TEETHING...5am is not a suitable time to wake up Oh im sorry that your child is interrupting your very important sleep schedule. didn't you know that children went through teething?

9.

baby was up at 3am this morning and wouldn't go back to sleep! WTF!!! get the fuck over yourself princess!

I had better stop now because im starting to get really cynical 

xxxx

Lu 

2010 - Not the year of the baby anymore

It's a sad state of affairs when you wake up in the morning and realise that you wont be achieving your dream of conceiving (not even giving birth to) a little one.

This was to be our year!

With all the blood test, ultrasounds, injections, poking and prodding we are no closer to achieving our dream.
This sux donkey balls!!

do I dare say it..........


WHY US????????


I'm sick of hearing people tell me they got knocked up on the first go and don't remember it.. 


Well i'm sure as hell going to remember the day I get knocked up because you cant ever forget the sterile room, your legs in the air and someone who isn't your husband poke and prod around your ho ha in order to knock you up.. Plus you have the credit card bills to prove that you had a "GOOD TIME" 


But enough of the WHY ME!!!
I'm not usually the WHY ME person... 


This week we have had my parents stay with us because they are doing some remodeling to their home. Yesterday we moved them back into their place . My Aunty was going to cook my parents dinner and asked if WJ and I want to go up too..

I said..... In the biggest voice possible...

Ohh NO thanks, Ive finally got some privacy, I'm going home, getting undressed and walking around the house butt naked!!!!
A roar of laughter erupted - BUT I'M SERIOUS!!

hahahahahah

The cat is happy that mum and dads dog is no longer in sight.

And I'm happy because i can watch something on TV other than Law and Order (over and over and over again!)

Well this week we are on detox - after a week of mums cooking we are only eating grilled chicken and carrots.. OII i'm so full!!!


Love and Dust


Lu xxxxx

I'm back in control and thats the way I like IT!!!

December 2nd is the day!

I rang up a new clinic today who I've heard amazing things about!.
They usually have a 3-4 month wait list and I managed to get in on December 2nd. I'm so excited!!!

Dr Asshole rang today and we spoke.... well he did a lot of talking about the importance of weight loss.... blah blah blah.. I explained to him that i would have respected his decision a whole lot more if he would not have let me start in the first place. But he made me go through all of this which is quite unfair. Funnily enough he had no answers for me and was quick to get off the phone.

I feel so much like my normal self again!!

I am taking control and I'm not going to let ignorant men like Dr T get me down or decide when and on whose terms we can have a family.

I now have a month to get my weight down further and to get to this appointment. so far i have not seen anything about weight restrictions with this new clinic. I just hope they are the ones for me.

Oh and BTW

Dr T finally came out and said today that I have PCOS.
this was the first time he had ever mentioned it. I really wish he would have said something sooner rather than bypass the whole diagnosis thing. that way i would have changed my perception on this much sooner.

Anyway. I'm not going to harp on the bad we are on a new path.. A positive path to a family !!!

XXXX
Love and Baby Dust.